New Moon in Capricorn brought to thinking about what 2019 was going to bring … where did I come from vs where am I going; what are the things that need to be out in place to make it happen; what feels good to me, is it aligned for me? These were the questions that were illuminated my path for 2019.
Of course, I had no idea what the answers were. I reflected, meditated and continued on my trajectory. I prepared, planned and organized.
This month was a crazy month with all the deadlines coming up for the Conference. The web page needed to be ready to go Live. On the 23rd, there were still so many unanswered questions and details from others that were still missing.
I must say that our web designer, Niki Maul, is undoubtedly the most remarkable person. She whipped that page together so incredibly. If you are a business owner, and you are looking for a web designer, she’s definitely your gal. Two days before we went Live, I barely slept soundly and I wasn’t the one pulling it all together.
Business-wise there were a few things that got me off track of where I wanted to go. I was convinced that I should be doing something in a completely different way that didn’t feel good. I course corrected later in the year and have returned to my path being in alignment. I still wasn’t sure exactly how it would look, but knew I was on the right track.
Then one morning I woke up with very clear insight about what things were going to look like. I pulled out my journal and started writing. The next challenge came with not knowing the how, but it was clear, this was exactly how it needs to go. Over the next few months, many things will unfold.
As the month progressed, business was all my focus. Not intentionally, but that was the focus. Just doing and getting things done. But I had clarity of the what, the how would come.
Then on the 26th, this memory popped up. When I posted it, people had no idea what was going on then. By then, I was probably on new antidepressants that the psychiatrist had prescribed for nearly two months or so. I was attending my psychotherapy appointments but it was Hell. I was truly having trouble getting out of bed in the morning … heck, if I was able to stay there, I would have just stayed there.
I made a commitment to myself that I was going to find at least ONE THING that I was grateful for. That was really tough. Ironically, I posted that I was thankful for my boys and my husband, but the only people showing tagged were two of the people at the root of my issues. Very interesting because I would have tagged both my sons.
This was the first day of my gratitude statements that moved me through my own treatment of severe depression. This is a technique that I have and do encouraged my clients to use to help them move through disordered thinking.
I often start Gratitude Challenges and when I do, it’s a “reboot” to make sure I stay on that path. I don’t ever want to go into that dark hole ever again.
Having reminders are not always a good thing. Sometimes it takes you back there, back to those dark times, those moments, those memories.
It was easy to convince myself that I had dealt with it. Of course, I knew what to say to myself. It was all the right things in my head. What I did was “stuff it”. Life continued and kept eating away at my psyche, things that would normally not be a big deal became a big deal.
Co-dependent behaviour became my coping strategy. I worked through those behaviours when I was 18 and my early 20s. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 and I can see the patterns clearly. And what was so tough is that I’m trained to recognize the signs in others, and missed it with me all together.
To keep me from going back there is a lot of self-reflection, journalling and ensuring the use of gratitude statements is done regularly.
This month was a reminder to move onward and upward, while recalling where I’ve been. Speaking my Truth, is exactly what I need to be focussing on as I share my blog a day early as part of Bell Let’s Talk, I am sharing my Truth.
About the Author
Rollie Allaire, Holistic Life & Wellness Coach, Spirit Flame Keeper, and Soul Healer.
My Spirit name is Geegado Megwan Kwe, which means Talking Feather Woman.
I work primarily with women who have experienced childhood trauma, sexual trauma, domestic violence, critical incident stress, mental health, addiction, compassion fatigue and grief to retrieve the lost parts of their soul and achieve wellness, joy, and success.
Since 2001, I draw on my extensive career background of clinical psychotherapy skills and in recent years combine that with Chakra work, Crystal Reiki, ThetaHealing, Akashic Record reading and clearings, meditation, Moon Medicine teachings and looking at life through the Medicine Wheel.
My goal is to create a safe and inviting place for my clients to feel heard, understood, empowered, validated and connected. And most importantly, reclaiming hope.